True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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