3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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