just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
