just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
