hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
