Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
