this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
