Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
