I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize