No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
