This is not my ceiling
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
