You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
