You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
