My room smells like vodka and shame
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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