I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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