i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
