everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
