You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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