You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
