If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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