Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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