Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
