pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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