I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
