he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
