I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
