I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
