New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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