so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You took a bar mat shot.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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