dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
