I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
