I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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