just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
