ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
