I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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