I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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