Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
