The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
