You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
