I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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