I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
