Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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