I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
