What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
