guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You're like the curious george of whores
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize