Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
