im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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