Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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