"it" just moved
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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