I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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