for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
