I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
