Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
do nipples grow back?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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