I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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