he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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