I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
