we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
