I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
