Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
