i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
