I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
