We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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