One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
