The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
