All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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