So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
