I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
