I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
