and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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