they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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