I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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