um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
