Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
