I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
