They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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