Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
