chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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