dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
