Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
