I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
