they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
