Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
