if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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