I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
