I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
