i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
