I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
