Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize