wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
