Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize