I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
