You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
