the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
