and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
