a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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