a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
