I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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