dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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