did you get engaged???
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize