Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
