do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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