Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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