i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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