cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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