About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
