Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
