Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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