Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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