areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize