i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize