I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I've blown a few things in my day
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
