I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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