I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
