I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
