Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
