he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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